The misconceptions of 'you'

It's really enlightening having a friend who's a guy who, even if given the option, wouldn't dive at the chance. For once, I learn what a (not-even-slightly-into-you-)friend actually finds interesting about me. How funny my jokes really are. Since he doesn't see me that way, he also doesn't care about making a good impression on me that same way. He's happy to disagree with me, - loving that, he's safer showing all his human flaws, and his attention is not on me automatically. I'm really not used to it, but it's a lovely punch in the ego. He's not contributing to a false sense of safety on my behalf to then just steal it all away when he finally realize my words were actually truth the whole time, the I - don't -  like -  you -  like -  that. I'm tired of falling for the trick and having guys liking me because of their feelings. Just sort them out and like me anyways, regardless of what gains our relationship feeds your ego. I'm cool, I promise. 
I just don't like you being my friend because of hope, unaware or not. 
Because I do care, even when you stop.  

Alex asked me a while ago, out of the blue and with no context like he so often does; who do you love? While answering
, I understod I love some of my people regardless of our relationsship, like him and Keana. I've got no choice but to love them. My other favorite persons I love only because of our relationsship, because of all the history and growing together. I think it's crazy how a (to you) not very remarkable person can over time, depending on some random shared events, become so so special to you..
And then there's my love for all of the collective. They're all such different kind of loves. Not more, not less. 
Counting my people, I felt happy that even though I might not love and be loved widely, I love and am loved deeply. 

Isn't it weird how many different versions of 'you' there are out there? Like the version of you people you've met on a bad day have, a good day, your close friends, family, or all your exes. I swear looking back at the guys I've dated is like a mental flow chart haha. It becomes so clear what version they have when they're trying to reconnect, because they all still keeps the same past version of me that they dated, and cling to it no matter how many times I prove it wrong. But they won't have it, because the present version of me isn't what got them pulled to me as much as the past, more broken one. 
People don't really hear what you're saying, because we only hear what we imagine people meant. In fact, the present version of you is only really true to you.

Alright, side tracked hard as always. Anyways, back to Norway. So even if our chemistry is a big zero, Olivers roomie on the other hand is weirdly attractive to me. On paper, he's not my 'type'. I rarely choose them like that though. Guess my type is that authentic type of personality, whatever shape, form and ethnicity they come in. He's younger, got big teeth, looks like a little boy and is probably a head shorter than me. But man, he is special. Magnetic even. I almost got tingly when it was just him and me yesterday. 


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